Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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