So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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