I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
