I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
