so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
