the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
