why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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