He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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