I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
