Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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