24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
