too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
