Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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