Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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