I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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