So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
