The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
