I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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