If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
