She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
