oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
