sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Randomize
