Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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