You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize