We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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