Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
