I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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