took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
