drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
