Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Gay?
German.
Pity.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
