Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
