Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Randomize
