Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
that is very illegal...i love you.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
