I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
