I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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