do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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