woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
