Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
