I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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