he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
