Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
