I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
