I'm eating all of the evidence.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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