you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
