just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
