Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize