no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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