Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
