Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
