just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
