Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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