I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Pants are for mortals
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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