is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
