Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
