Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
