Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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