She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES