Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I want to be your penis for a week.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?