i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU