with your own penis?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
