Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up