I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
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she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
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You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.