She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I supernannyed him into submission
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.