he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think I won the penis lottery.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"