I can tuck mytits in my pants
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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