Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize