I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
