put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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