It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
