No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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