I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize