I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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