We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
