Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
